Seems like

Being born plays tricks on us. We come into the world already attached to an Identity, family, culture, religion, town and country.  I have often wondered of the impact it has on each of us.  We all have our troubles and road blocks to what life has for us.  Being born last I was benefited by timing and cursed by it.  I was always following someone. My father, an older brother and nearer brother.  everyone pointed to what he did, admonished to not do what he did. And you know you just don’t have the makeup to do what he does.

It’s curious thing following another.  sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be bad.  A deer will dart out across the road in front of you depending on if they are following an other in their clan who has already crossed the road successfully.  With a deer fight or flight is not an option, it is always flight.  Speed and familiarity of terrain are hard wired into their gene pool.  If one has already crossed the road then going forward when spooked is always the right choice.  The coast is clear and follow the leader rules the night.  So if mother made it across the road that is safe harbor and off I go to a grisly death.

Problem is evolution did not anticipate inanimate objects barreling through the night oblivious and disinterested in the deer.  To a deer’s mind your car is more like a bolt of lightening blasting through the night than what time has told them to watch for and fear.

Technology has the same effect on modern men today as well.  Everything we have been ingrained with to guide us in life betrays us just like a car does does for a deer on the side of the road at night. What in resent years past used to be a generational problem has now become a sub-generational  issue.  What worked for the 20 somethings of the nineties can no more work for the class of 2015 than what had worked for the boomers.

Today I hear of 20 somethings writing there own future with technology and unimagined new frontiers of communication and connectedness. In practice though all I observe are people trying to be something they are not on various Facebook like platforms.  Their parent do it on Linkedin in or something like that as well. I receive almost weekly updated linkedin request from high school friends who’s job will have no impact by who they have connected with on the internet.  The same old rules apply.  Does you boss or prospective boss like you, do they think you can do they the job and is there no one else the know or like better to give the job to.

Seems like even with the world wide open to young people today and the choices before them broader than they have ever been but the same old basic question applies.  Who do they follow.

I set my mind to follow my older brother, he made something of himself, and he really did. Not to follow my father, which I did in part,  because he lived in fear like a deer and always seemed to be running back into the brush and his same old habits.  I ended up following my closest brother to some degree which was a mistake because he really can do things I could never do.

So it seems like here I am just over the hump of life, I guess you might call it Thursday morning for me and I am deciding if I am going to cross the road again, duck in the brush behind me or to say the hell with it and keep eating and walk down the road and find my own pasture.  I guess it is a very good thing that I have the choice. Many times in recent months I have felt played out and worn out.  My bodies is failing me to some degree and I can no longer do the work that once sustained me.  At first I saw this as a cruel joke because it had never even occurred to me that this would happen to me this soon in life.

Now I think it may be a gift to get me off the beaten path and look harder for a better road to cross at least for me.  Can you tell that I lived in Walden’s pond for many of a season, I guess I still live there today.

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